Oh man do I love being right!
I mean when I’m sure about something, and I’m sure I’m sure about that thing, and then someone else has the audacity to have a different opinion….well they are wrong.
I mean they are really wrong.
And I feel incredibly justified in my right-ness. I know you know what I’m talking about.
Let me tell you, that cost me my marriage. It’s cost me a few friendships. And it’s been one of the habits I’ve been trying to un-learn the most in my waking life. Because for some reason, I came onto this planet knowing I was right. It’s a challenging way to be, especially when you know you’re as right as I do and still value insights from other people 🙂
Are you gathering I’m still a work in progress around this issue? Because I’m happy to acknowledge I am. Why am I happy? Because they always say it takes a long time to really recognize you have a problem before you can actually address the problem ….and I am incredibly aware.
So why am I writing this today when I don’t have a solution for how to end it yet? I’m writing it because I just had a major win in my attempt to deflate a situation where I was sure I was 100% right. I did something I’ve never done before.
I just didn’t engage.
Yeah, you read that right. I didn’t engage. I let them have their thoughts and I just didn’t share mine. It hurt (a lot) on the inside, I’m not gonna lie.
Man! I wanted to say what I wanted to say. I wanted them to know how wrong they got it…But when I thought about it, when I really thought about it, I knew that nothing I said was going to change this persons thoughts. He was as committed to his truth as I was. And I could see where sharing my right-ness would lead.
It was like I could see back to every time I had to be right while talking with someone who also had to be right.
What did I see? That way of being had never resolved anything. Ever.
And what I value even more than being right, is not wasting time when I can be doing something differently.
Now I look back at my marriage and I wonder how my husband and I could have dealt with our very real differences differently. And even though that ended amicably over 10 years ago I still wonder where this new formula would have taken us? That one may be too big to wrap up so tidily…. But I look back at the friendships and I see the subtle ways I could’ve simply kept my mouth shut and not judged them for their process and allowed them to make the choices and decisions they felt best for their own lives.
I know…so adult.
And I think you may know, and if you don’t let me tell you, that entire galaxy of planets are doing crazy things right now. Throwing all kinds of havoc up. Not to mention we are at the tail end of a very intense eclipse season that is all about letting go of the deepest shadows we have buried in our closets. So if you been feeling the tug to shift a pattern. Do it!
If you’ve been feeling the tug to look at old emotions, feelings, relationships, or memories, do it!
But do it from the vantage point of what have I not learned yet from this super fun deep icky sticky shadow and what do I need to know to make this shift or release stick?
I love being right. I love that confirmation through my entire body when I know I’m making the right decision. Or seeing something clearly. I use it in my work a lot. It’s what helps me figure out what’s going on with the person sitting in front of me.
But life is messy. And when you’re in a relationship with another human…it’s important to remember that everybody has their own journey. And their entire journey may not be your journey. And your entire journey may not be their journey. And so sometimes, when you know you’re right, it truly may not be right for them.
And maybe in that moment, you can find a space of silence which is actually a vast Space of unknown possibilities for everyone.
How’s that for being right!
Will this work every time? Probably not. But is a good thing to keep in mind? Is it another tool for the tool chest of personal evolution?
Well…you know I think I’m right 🙂